like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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