dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
