i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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