Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Still dying that you shit outside
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
