my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
