I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize