I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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