...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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