I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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