Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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