I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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