In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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