So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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