so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
