fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
