One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
