Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize