We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
