My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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