just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
