You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
