we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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