You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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