I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize