There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
