After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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