the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize