that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he wants to bone in the snuggie
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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