i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
