dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
