remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
