My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
