I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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