she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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