when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
