Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
