Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I need a beard to bite.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
