May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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