Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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