I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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