You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
