By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
