wakey wakey hands off snakey
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize