On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is it because I queefed?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
