She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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