My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
