why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
