i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
