I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
