I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
