Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
