I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
