Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
