i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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