I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
