so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
