and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That's intense
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
