Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
