I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
