I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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