Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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