please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
