considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
