I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
