You work out of a Hotel?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize