my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
