Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
