Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
