Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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