U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
