went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
