If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
