New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize