i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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