I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
