They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I could make wine with my vomit
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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