No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
