I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
50% drunk capacity currently
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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