i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
