Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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