She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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