Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
