sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
