Pants 0. Shit 1.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
