I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
