I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
